Many people have surely heard of conditioned love meaning or wonder if unconditional love really exists. This is because the term unconditional love and conditional love is becoming increasingly popular and used.
It is often something that we tend to confuse in various facets of our lives, without really knowing what the difference is between each of them. After hearing the terms, it is normal to wonder which of the two of us have been living or how it should be for each person.
that is why below we will explain what unconditional love and conditional love are, as well as their differences to recognize when you have one of these two types of love in your life.
Meaning of Unconditional Love
If you wonder what is unconditional love in the couple or if my love is unconditional? Well, we explain that unconditional love is one of the purest, most genuine and authentic loves that exists. And precisely for this reason it is one of the most difficult loves to achieve, since unconditional love means loving and accepting the other person as he is.
To describe unconditional love phrases like Yvonne Pierre’s “Once you learn to accept and love them for who they are, you subconsciously learn to love yourself unconditionally.”
What is conditional love?
What is conditional love? Conditional love meaning consists of the most frequent love both in couples and all kinds of relationships. It is a love that is generated or given under conditions. Where the loved one must behave or act in a certain way to be worthy of that love.
Most loves begin as an unconditional love that gradually transforms into a conditional love, and this is not necessarily bad, it is natural. Examples of conditional love are married love, conditional love from a mother or father, or love between friends.
Unconditional love transforms into conditional love over time. When the person begins to idealize his partner, when he begins to have or think about expectations regarding that relationship.
How to know if love is conditional or unconditional in a simple way?
The differences between conditional love and unconditional love are quite marked so identifying when it is one or the other is not a very difficult task.
However, the simplest way to know when we are feeling one or the other is based on what we feel when the person we decide to love performs an act that is not to our liking.
Conditional love tends to have rules and limits, it is always waiting for a response from the counterpart that suits what we think or that fulfills our expectations and most importantly it has an opposite pole which is hatred that normally manifests itself with anger or annoyance.
When the person does something that is not to our liking and we react by limiting love or doing acts that simulate punishment then that type of love is clearly conditional.
Now, if what the other person does and causes us harm does not lead to change our way of treating or loving him but on the contrary, we can understand that each head is a world and each person lives his own process that is totally different from ours, then that type of love is unconditional.
In unconditional love you do not feel hatred or resentment and this does not mean that it does not hurt, it means that we can understand what is happening and empathy is part of this understanding.
Differences of unconditional love and conditional love in the couple
There are differences between these two loves that allow us to differentiate these, usually these come out of the characteristics of conditional love and love without condition or unconditional. As are the following:
- Unconditional or unconditional love is mostly the first to be generated in relationships, however with the passage of time it becomes conditional love. While unconditional love is characterized by loving another person without any condition, by accepting him as he is.
- Conditional love is characterized by loving another person under conditions, who must behave or act in a certain way to be worthy of love. Likewise, if he acts or does things that are inappropriate for the person, he ceases to be loved by him.
Unconditional love is the purest and most genuine, which most aspire to achieve. However, it is the most difficult to achieve, since it requires a lot of trust and security, as well as managing to love the other person as they are.
- Conditional love is one that mostly becomes toxic love. Because people tend to possessively control the other so that he or she can be as he or she wants him or her to be.
- Unconditional love is so difficult to achieve that in some cases it requires deep meditation to achieve it. While conditional love is the most prevalent between the two.
In this way you already know what unconditional love and conditional love are. As well as their characteristics and differences to identify which of the two you have with your partner, family or friends.
And finally, it is important to note that both loves, unconditional love and conditional love are positive loves. In this way having either of the two loves is good news.
The important thing is to control feelings, so we can prevent some of these two loves from becoming a toxic love. That is done with good communication, with respect for the other person but above all with acceptance of oneself, and of the loved one.
What are the consequences of conditional love and how to deal with them?
Conditional love goes hand in hand with heartbreak and within relationships, regardless of whether it is a couple, family or friends, it can leave consequences that are usually painful.
These consequences include the following:
- Annoyance: This annoyance is not only with the second person but also with oneself. When expectations of a relationship are created or idealized, it llega moment in which things do not go as expected and then that can lead us to act from anger and pain.
- Discussions: Something quite common when the person giving conditional love does not receive what he expects. He feels at a disadvantage and this causes discussions to arise that lead to demand from the other person a delivery of love more in line with what is being received.
- Feelings of inadequacy: The person who loves conditionally may feel at some point that what he gives is not enough and that is why he despises himself and does not feel good about himself thinking that what he gives does not fulfill the other person.
- Low self-esteem: Conditional love hits self-esteem when reality is lived and collides with heartbreak. You may come to think that the problem is yourself and that there are things that have to be fixed so that the other person acts as you want.
- Misunderstandings or enemies: Conditional love can generate misunderstandings that lead us to move away from the people we say we love and even see him as if he were an enemy who did not value all the love that was given to him at some point.
The best way to deal with these consequences is to first feel the emotions it produces, then try not to look for culprits and open the mind to think that things really are not as we idealize them since each person is different and acts based on their needs.
It is a painful work of introspection but after doing it leads to calm and the understanding that no one is obliged to give something in exchange for something.
Why give unconditional love and not conditional love?
Perhaps this question can be justified by thinking that “If I give love, I deserve to receive it in the same way.” And you may be right, but even if it is true, it does not always happen like this and this is what leads to pain and disappointment.
Loving unconditionally is associated with freedom, both one’s own and that of the person you love. This freedom frees you from expectations and idealization and the most important thing about this is that when we face reality pain may appear, but it is temporary and does not torment.
Unconditional love doesn’t tie you to one person and you don’t even have the need to feel tied or the other person to tie themselves to you. You enjoy the moment they are living and if it were to end you would understand and you could continue without the burden of attachment.
All the advantages of giving unconditional love are summed up in one word PEACE. And within any relationship that makes you feel peaceful, love arises freely since you do not think about doing something to receive love to the same extent that you give it.
Is unconditional love harmful?
No, as long as it is granted within the limits. Everything created has a limit, the sea, the land, the animals that respect others, the material also has a limit such as tables, buildings, etc.
This means that just as the world is limited, we have to learn to set limits. You can grant an unconditional love to the extent that you love yourself unconditionally, because if you give love in an excessive way, you run the risk of being left with nothing.
Many people tend to take advantage of the unconditional love that other people give and it is precisely for this reason that love must begin with ourselves, by loving ourselves we can know to what extent to provide unconditional love so that it does not become harmful.
All this is aimed not only at the love of a couple but at any type of love, family and even friends, since love, no matter how unconditional it may be if it has no limits, can lead to chaos.
